Preface

Arise, Lord Possum
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/28676436.

Rating:
General Audiences
Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
Gen
Fandom:
Star Wars - All Media Types
Character:
Darth Vader, Original Possum, Possum Convinced That Rent Means You HAVE To Let Them Move In If They Give You Their Pocket Change
Additional Tags:
Crack
Language:
English
Collections:
Exchanges After Dark Birthday Bash 2021
Stats:
Published: 2021-01-10 Words: 417 Chapters: 1/1

Arise, Lord Possum

Summary

A possum interrupts Darth Vader's sleep on Vjun.

Arise, Lord Possum

Darth Vader heard the intruder alarm go off and started the exit routine from his meditation chamber. That the alarms reached him meant that whatever rebel scum had appeared had breached the external perimeter, so a round of Force choking his incompetent minions was in order.

When his suit was finally on, he rose to demand answers from his head of security. He was stopped by an inhuman scream.

There was some sort of animal at his feet. It didn't reach the middle of his calf. Large ears rimmed its white face streaked with black over the eyes and grey fur covered its back.

Vader called a datapad to his hand, took a picture, and fed it to a species identifying program he'd downloaded off the holonet. The result was clear – the intruder was definitely a possum – though how one had managed to turn up on Vjun spoke of deep incompetence on someone's behalf. Perhaps he'd go strangle the customs official who didn't check for invasive wildlife.

The possum dropped a pile of credit chits on the floor. It screamed.

The head of security burst into the room. "Lord Vader! An ani- Oh, you've apprehended it already," he said.

"You have failed," Vader declared. "Failure has consequences." Then he closed his fist around air and choked the head of security. He'd have given a pithier remark, but the alarm had interrupted his sleep. As the head of security's body hit the floor, Vader turned to the possum.

The pile of credits had been abandoned. Vader stared at it mutely for a moment.

Another screech brought his attention back to his meditation chamber. The possum was now inside it, proudly sitting as if it had nothing to fear from a Dark Lord of the Sith.

Vader could destroy it, of course, but something seemed to nudge him in a different direction. Perhaps...

He knelt. "You have shown great promise in infiltrating my stronghold. From now on, you will be my Sith apprentice, trained in the arts of the Dark Side. Together we will take down the Emperor and rule the galaxy."

The possum did not object. Vader nodded to himself. Yes, he could feel the rightness of this decision. He still had to come up with a Sith name for his new apprentice, but that could wait until after he'd slept.

He climbed into the meditation chamber and started removing his suit. A nap with his new apprentice bathing in the darkness beside him would do them well.

Afterword

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